From Doubt to Devotion: Finding My Unexpected Partner

Discipline: Hunter/jumper

Social Media: Madison Wallraf of @oliveacres_ocala

When importing horses site unseen, we put a lot of trust in our connections over in Europe. I will ask all the standard questions that narrow down the right horses that are ready to come to America, whether it's for a client or me. On rare occasions, I shop for myself to contribute to my development as a professional. Over the years, I have become very versatile in my ability to ride whatever horse comes off the plane. What comes with that is learning the horse, giving it time to adjust to the program and routine, as well as getting it fit and healthy again after a long haul over the pond.

Often in the first week of riding, I find myself learning the horse, testing buttons, and figuring them out. The horse doesn’t know me, usually they are a little unfit, and I’m pressing buttons I didn’t know existed. As time goes on, the horse learns me and my program, and I get a solid idea of what route I would like to take them. Most of the horses we buy are amateur-friendly and safe for the American market.

Usually within the first month or so, I make a full plan of how long we will keep the horse, which ones are worth investing more in showing and training, and which ones are ready to be listed right away. Let's be honest, as many good horses as we have brought over, I haven't always loved every horse or found every horse to be a good suit for our specific program. Let's face it, as much as we all think highly of our programs, ego aside, some horses thrive better in some and not in others. That’s the business of importing horses.

Almost two years ago, I invested in a horse for myself to learn the upper levels more in depth and really devote my time into my growth in order to benefit my education and my clients. Unfortunately, after a freak colic surgery incident, we lost him.

At the time, my hopes and dreams seemed miles away, and I resumed doing what I do best, staying busy and selling horses. I felt hopeless in a way that made me feel I wasn’t cut out for that level of success, and at times felt like a black cloud followed me around anytime I tried to exceed the expectations I already had set for myself.

So, I stayed in my lane once again and accepted that my riding would remain on the back burner until I could afford to find something for myself again. December rolled around, the month we always import at least one horse to bring over and sell. I was shopping for something extremely eye-catching and marketable in hopes of getting back on track financially.

My stepfather Gerry is a partner in most of my horses, so the shopping process goes through both of us as far as cost, market value, and a timeline the horse should be on in order to make a profit and find the right fitted home.

As life often does, it surprised me when we found Diatoon Blue PS. At first, it was another horse for the market. He was big, tall, had white socks, and just had this presence about him that could light up a room. There was something different about him, and we couldn’t figure it out.

My stepdad and I reviewed the videos, the record, and asked all the questions. We were thankful enough that our good friend of many years, Marjory Berkache with Equisale SportHorses, whom we have done business with multiple times, was able to make it a done deal. He was coming to America! 

When he first arrived, as usual, he was thin and a little fresh. I remember walking him off the trailer and thinking how huge he was. I had thoughts of, “Well, he is for resale, so the size isn’t an issue,” because it’s easier to sell a bigger horse as there are many taller riders in need of this size. He was different though. Light on the feet, balanced, sharp in a calculated way. Not common traits of a horse this size, and that got me thinking that he is my style after all. I prefer bigger horses, though not quite this big, and I have a long past of meshing well with red horses.

I waited around two weeks before riding him to allow him to settle in and get some weight on. That process consisted of picking a suitable feed for him, high-quality alfalfa, and our PEMF therapy blanket to relax his jet lag. When the day came for me to ride him, he was stiff and disorganized. He had no idea where his feet were. Often he was looking at everything around him but what was in front of him. His legs were wobbly, and he felt like a giraffe.

It was day one, so it is not uncommon for the horse to feel a bit out of water. I began riding him consistently and slowly introducing him to the program. In my mind, I truly thought, this horse is too big, even for me.

I reached out to my trainer from back in Illinois to see if she would like to purchase this horse for her daughter. As the weeks went on, I really didn’t like the horse. I was sort of like, let’s just sell him and move on. They tried the horse and ended up passing, so I began brainstorming to use another professional that’s bigger, or maybe a guy to ride him for me to get a record and get him sold.

After all, the comments from everyone around me that he needs to go, he is too big, or that he won’t amount to anything due to his size were really weighing on me. I began to doubt him, myself, and sort of wanted to give up. That was my anxiety and my not-so-friendly inner dialogue speaking.

It was one afternoon that I was on him in the field that my tenant of my back barn mentioned that this is a real deal horse, and that I just don’t see it yet. She is a dressage rider, which has such a different perspective than hunter/jumper trainers. It was sort of that day that things shifted.

Instead of highlighting what could work against him, I began highlighting what works for him and what tools I had that could bring out his full potential. I began doing exercises and dialing in on the flatwork. I learned about his body, his technique, and his mind.

I reached out to my trainer from Illinois, Sue Leverick, for assistance at the shows. Having her there to support me and help me with this horse has been a game changer. Marjory, who facilitated the sale of this horse to me, gave me really valuable training tools to get better rideability that would ultimately benefit our size difference.

In a town like Ocala where there are Olympic riders on every corner, it’s very common as a young professional to experience self-doubt when trying to continue your personal riding career. So I am very lucky to have an amazing group of professionals to turn to when I am feeling doubtful or needing to sharpen my training tools or riding.

Once I changed my perspective on who we now named “Fidget,” everything shifted in the right ways. I started showing him at HITS Ocala this winter, starting in the open 1 meter classes, focusing on the rideability we had worked on at home.

For a few weeks we remained in the 1 meter classes until the courses became easy, the ride became easy, and he felt confident. It seems like such a simple task, to go jump the 1 meter and get all the numbers done. But when you are 4 foot 10 and your horse is 18.2hh, it’s a lot harder than it looks. That height difference really plays into calculating your flatwork and track precisely in each ride and round.

We slowly moved up to the 1.10 meter classes, again focusing on what we built in the smaller classes weeks prior. The numbers got a little harder when he was making extra efforts over the bigger fences, and while they weren’t perfect, we got them done, which was perfect for me to experience so that we could go home and work hard again.

Something I find very valuable in your personal training journey, besides having supportive people in your corner, is having role models or people you look up to that resonate with you, your program, and your riding. For me, that is Margie Goldstein-Engle. She is about my size with a tendency to ride the larger horses that are about Fidget’s size.

Watching her ride has taught me a lot about the importance of the tracks you take on course that may differ from a smaller horse’s plan, and her position between the fences as well as her release over the jumps. With all of these tools and the highlighting of his already existing qualities, I started to really think this could be a real horse for me.

He doesn’t have a record in the Grand Prix. He has jumped a few 1.30 meter classes but shows scope and good technique. He is a younger horse, so that will be a challenge when faced with new or harder classes, but he has the right amount of blood to the fences, an easy jump style for me to stay with, and honestly, I think he has grown quite fond of me.

Recently, we moved up to the 1.15 meter classes. My training for that move-up the week before consisted of good pole and flatwork, as well as a trip to my neighbors to get in a bigger ring and school some bigger fences while keeping a good, manageable rhythm. Day one of the 1.15 meter class, we struggled to find a good rhythm with each other as he was jumping very stylish with the height increase. He had some really impressive jumps as well as getting the planned numbers done for most of the course. The second-to-last line, we lost our rhythm and instead of pushing him, I opted to circle, something I’m not incredibly known for. I’m kind of a gritty type that will commit to whatever canter I have and make it work, especially to not affect their record.

However, after many conversations with my stepfather, we decided there was no timeline for this horse, so a circle I felt was the best choice for his mind and training. That decision really set him up to complete the course in great form. The way this horse learns continues to impress me every day.

After the Wednesday class, his Thursday class was seamless. We found a rhythm that stayed the same, found areas to be quick and competitive, as well as finding all the numbers without a struggle.

This day gave me a true look into the future and that all I have been doing with him has put us on the right track to continue up the levels. While I do not like to put labels on horses, let alone young ones, I genuinely believe this is a real horse for the future.

Something I would like to remind people of when importing or buying a new horse is that it takes, at minimum, a year to sync with them. You will come across lows and highs, but one day a light bulb will go off, and you’ll feel like you are sitting on something very real.

We are two living beings trying to learn from each other and build a foundation of trust, communication, and reliability. That takes time. Timelines can be stressful, off-putting, and sometimes undermine the ultimate outcome for the horse and rider. A frequent practice in our industry, but one that needs to be handled delicately.

I hope my story with Fidget can inspire people to take a step back to refine their fundamentals and relationship with their horse. Not every story or partnership starts off perfect.

It is the in-between that matters. It’s trying that matters. It’s showing up for your horse and yourself that matters. There will be days that you will fail, not ride well, or even your horse will have a difficult day where the communication you have worked so hard towards seems like learning a new language.

What matters is how you manage it and how you move forward. Those days are not setbacks. They are paving the way for your true success.